K and C have evolved wildly diverging tastes in men as an unconscious means of friendship preservation and competition-avoidance. 

K favours “challenging” dudes, which means they strike that ultra-fine (barely existent) balance between interested and emotionally-unavailable. Regular-type romantic gestures make her nethers dry up faster than you can say “these flowers are for you”. 

C, on the other hand, goes for guys that stymie both roommates and parents alike. Weird guilt issues stemming from an ultra-religious upbringing? Yes, please! Described as resembling an adderall addict? Oh baby! Hell, let’s throw in some daddy issues for good measure.

Basically the Awkward Girls’ secret to a long and happy friendship is to hold members of the opposite sex to impossible standards so that you never find anyone as fulfilling as each other. Healthy? Probably not. But it sure is a shit-ton of fun.

Last year I was seeing this guy who I’d known since 1st year of university. He was a theatre/business double major and he looked like TinTin. Henceforth, he shall be known as TINTIN because there are more stories that I will slow-release.
Fastforward a few years. He asks me out (but why?) to dinner and we’re sitting in Pag’s Pasta eating noodles and deep fried bread. He was wearing his uniform of a tight tight tight tee shirt, jeans, and a blazer. I forget what I was wearing. I think I looked okay.
I ordered a beer because I was nervous and wine makes me drunk really fast. I was worried that he was going to think I was totally not a classy dame (I’m not). I could barely look at him for the shame. So imagine my surprise when I notied his tongue in my ear.
“That’s so hot,” he breathed. He meant the beer! He liked my beer! At the end of the night he hugged me like I was his brother and then called me the next day.

He was a pro skimboarder and could go off jumps and everything. I decided this was alluring. One day we went out to Witty’s Lagoon and I started to feel outdone by all his talents.
“I can do a backflip,” I said.
“Really?”
I totally could. When I was twelve.
“A back hand-spring,” I amended.
“Let’s see!”
So I stalked off the the other end of the field we were picnicking at. I squared up my shoulders and even did the shoulder shimmy popular amongst Olympic gymnasts. I ran, round-offed to back hand-spring, and landed on my face so hard I knocked myself out.

This poor fucking guy. 
 

Ugh you guys, one time Cae had a sex dream about Steve Buscemi. Yeah no seriously. No, I wish I were joking about this. Cae likes her men totally fucked up. I like mine aloof to the point of sociopathy. ATTN: Bret Easton Ellis. I’m cultivating a very sophisticated rage issue.

Cae’s date went real good. The guy showed up twenty minutes late and drunk and then had to take a quick trip across the street to get a 30-pack before the liquor store closed. When I woke up at 7AM the next morning to go to my really fulfilling job of making coffeez Cae thundered out of her room to tell me about how awesome the date was. She was still drunk wihch is why she used the word “awesome”. Anyway! This is our life!
 

YOU GUYS CAE HAS A DATE TONIGHT DOESN’T SURE LOOK NICE? He lives on the wrong side of the bridge (Esquimalt) and he likes dirty music (dubstep). Last night he went to a party that was themed “Geishas and Samuris” where they were playing “the filthiest glitch” and it was “hyphey”. He just texted Cae “Hey” three times in a roaw which means me must be into her (lolol maybe later lolol).

Anyway. Good luck Cae.

THIS IS US. We met once at basketball camp when we were 13 because Katie couldn’t play basketball. Instead she’d impress everyone by doing cartwheels up and down the court after a team had scored a goal. Either team, no discrimination. Caeleigh watched disdainfully from the sidelines. Katie thought Caeleigh was funny and cool but didn’t want to seem to forward so she casually asked for Caeleigh’s email address, which was sorry_blondmoment at the time. But Katie spelled “blond” wrong and ended up MSN chatting with someone completely wrong until they met again in grade nine advanced science. FATE.